It’s seven years tonight that Dad died and I have been thinking and was surprised the day came upon me late today. I mean I only remembered this evening – the time he actually went. It may mean I am getting over it. I think it does fade – the pain of loss but it never goes away completely. The world never actually goes away (‘Make The World Go Away”) – a song that recalls to me my mum and dad’s complicated love. I made a short film of the commemorative performance I made in honour of Dad and I am playing it as I write and of course it brings back the blocked throat.
I loved dad so much as we all love our dads if they are lovely people and even if they are not. I am listening to me singing when I was seventeen and he wasn’t living with us – it’s part of the soundtrack of the film I made which ends with the sound of the sea he loved so much.
It’s a big miss, dad and I have to get this posted before the clock strikes midnight. xxx